Magellans at the Movies: the Blog

  Every Original Cast Star Trek Film Ranked The legendary Barnes & Noble movie rack pull that prompted this post. Sixteen bucks!      As regular listeners to the podcast will know, last fall I began my journey into Star Trek fandom. I watched the entire Original Series run and am midway through The Next Generation, with plans to continue on to Deep Space Nine afterwards.      Star Trek lives on TV, I think most fans will tell you that, but the Enterprise and her ongoing mission are no strangers to the silver screen, either. Star Trek on film certainly has an uneven track record, especially in the latter years of the franchise, especially recently, but before the mixed bag of TNG movies or the more mainstream-oriented Abrams reboot, there was a run of six movies featuring the crew that started it all. How do they all measure up, both as individual films and against each other? Let's find out! #6) The Motion Picture      I'll tilt my h...

  Tron: Ares Genre: Science fiction/action Director: Joachim Ronning Released: 2025      I can't prove it, nor would I have the knowledge required to recognize proof if it existed, but I'm pretty sure Tron: Ares turned the mild headache I was suffering into a full blown migraine. Certainly its florid digital vistas and retina-scorching color palette of searing red and blinding white are, to put it mildly, a bit much. The designers have clearly taken a "more is more" approach to the film's aesthetic, leaving the viewer (at least this viewer) more overwhelmed than wowed.       I start this review with the visuals because I imagine for many people weighing up a potential Tron movie night, whether or not it looks cool will exert an outsize influence on their ultimate decision. By the time the first trailer ended, I think everyone knew this movie wasn't going to have much to recommend it vis a vis characters, plot or acting, but from the very start of ...

Predator Badlands Genre: Action/adventure Director: Dan Trachtenberg Released 2025      Predator Badlands is not a bad movie, but it's almost certainly not the movie you're expecting. Tension, horror, and a protracted contest between hunter and hunted have all been either stripped out or drastically scaled back to make way for a movie that is aimed less at the franchise faithful and more at the general audience of young, Marvel-reared filmgoers in search of the next big thing. Now, I don't mean to be dismissive; franchises are gonna franchise, and a new twist on an old formula is something I welcome in principle. In practice, however, it all comes down to the execution, and while there is plenty to enjoy about Badlands, its worst aspects are undoubtedly all the gloss, gleam, and irreverent humor grafted onto the film to broaden its appeal.       Badlands starts out incredibly  strong. There's a simple but effective setup, a clear motivation for ou...

  The Monkey Genre: Horror comedy Director: Osgood Perkins Released: 2025      Whether or not you enjoy The Monkey will be almost entirely determined by whether or not you're the target audience. That sounds obvious, I know, but trust me, The Monkey is a film that has been meticulously calibrated to appeal to a very particular kind of viewer. It sets out to kill weirdo redshirts in creative, graphically violent ways and complement all the blood and guts with a twisted, absurdist sense of humor. If that's up your alley, you'll be eating well. If not, look elsewhere, there is literally nothing here for you.      The Monkey is based on a short story by Stephen King, by which I mean both stories have a few character names in common and both concern an evil monkey toy. If you've read the short story, as I have, you'll be familiar with the conceit, but pretty much everything else will be new.      After an extended setup (twin brothers discove...

Heart Eyes Genre: Horror/rom com Director: Josh Ruben Released: 2025      I can't tell you that you shouldn't go out and see Heart Eyes, but I also can't tell you that you should. Heart Eyes is a generic, inoffensive slasher movie firmly set in the lighthearted, horror-comedy mashup tradition of Scream. Whether or not you're up for that will be determined largely by your feelings towards that formula. If you hate it, obviously you should give this film a wide berth. If you love it, then I think this will probably be enough for you. If you're like me, and you've enjoyed the formula in the past but need more than just a standard execution drawing well within the lines of its contours, there's no reason to not just wait until it hits streaming.      Heart Eyes follows main characters Ally and Jay as they fight and flirt and generally do all the romantic comedy things, the hook being that all this happens within the context of a masked killer's violent rampa...

  The Brutalist Genre: Historical epic Director: Brady Corbet Released: 2024      When it comes to movies, extreme length is something of a risk. On the one hand, length can amplify flaws that brevity may have been able to obscure; if your main character is irritating, the longer the film drags on the more time you give the audience to realize just how terrible David Aaronson-sorry, I mean your protagonist-truly is. On the other end of the spectrum lies your Lord of the Ringses, your Blade Runners, your Lawrences of Arabias, movies whose hefty runtimes exist to accommodate the scope and scale of something truly epic.      I say all of this because length is one of the main talking points about The Brutalist, and likely front of mind for those considering it for their next trip to the theater. Is it worth the three and a half hours, plus a fifteen minute intermission, the movie demands from you? The answer to that isn't clear cut, as what's good and not...